Endings and new beginnings
by The noble one
Summary: My twist on how Cuddy ended things with Lucas in Help me and arrived at House's appartment


~ Hi everyone. This is the **first **Huddy fic I ever finished xD Because the whole Huddy break-up (eventhough they're still **Endgame **to me) and LisaE leaving House, I decided to write a story when everything was still positive for us Huddy fans, yes I'm talking about 'Help Me' :) Eventhough I didn't turn out as fluffy as I expected, rather serious. This one-shot is my twist on how Cuddy ended things with Lucas and the shot ends with her arriving at House's appartment. The part I 'borrowed' from the show is between ~ I hope you'll like it. R & R~

**Endings and new beginnings **

I was feeling free again. Strange how dumping your fiancé makes you feel so much better. But it did.

I know I should feel bad, sad, guilty and all those other things but all I could think of was him.

Gregory House, doctor, head of the diagnostic department, employee, royal pain the ass, jerk, friend and oh this is going to sound sappy: love of my life. Argh, I was right it does sound like something you'd hear on one of House's soaps. It's the truth though.

During Lucas's proposal yesterday I replaced him with House. It was Greg standing before me in a suit and I was looking into his gorgeous blue eyes instead of Lucas's but it wasn't House and those pools of blue were replaced by slighly green ones, the salt and pepper hair by brown hair and I felt so empty. I said yes because it was the right thing to do. Lucas is what I needed in my life or what I thought I needed. A reliable guy who gets on really well with Rachel, who isn't afraid to talk about his emotions.

So I smiled and did what every sensible 44-year old woman would do and accepterd his proposal. Eventhough he's a great guy he doesn't know me or makes me feel like House does. He doesn't make me smile, angry and happy in a twisted way. I couldn't marry Lucas just because he's the more reliable option for Rachel. I could picture what would happen if we got married. In a few months we would be husband and wife and the first year or year and a half, things would be fine but then we would fall into boring routines, with House life could never be boring, insane yes boring Rachel would have a releable father figure and yes he would have been the ideal husband but I would be bored to death. I need someone who challenges me, who makes me feel alive, wanted, smart, sexy, who makes me crazy and smile at the same time. Ergo I need House. I can finally admit that, well at least to myself, after 20 years.

Today when he told that woman how miserable he was and that she didn't want to turn out like him, I nearly started crying. I still feel guilty for what happened to his leg. I knew he was unhappy but I've never seen him like that. So heartbroken, vulnerable and alone. Yes his infarction changed him but I can still see the man I knew from Michigan under layers of self-protection, deflection, jerkness and sarcasm.

'Lisa...LISA'

Suddenly Lucas is infront of me. I jump and drop my mug with coffee.

God I totally forgot about him. It's strange 10 – 15 minutes ago we were celebrating our engagement, silly because we actually got engaged yesterday and the next thing I tell him I couldn't go through with it.

'Lisa?'

'Yes?', I look up and see him standing in front of me, dressed up in a suit and his bags. He runs his hand over his stuble which I've always disliked on him. The only man who looks good with 5 o'clock shadow is House._ Damn I'm drifting off again, stay focused Lisa. Concentrate on Lucas._ I looked at his face.

'Euh.. I'm moving back into my appartment.' 'Yes ', I felt myself nodding at that, 'I think that would be for the best.'

'Right, right. Well I guess that's it then, unless...' Unless? Oh no wasn't my I'm-not-in-love-with-you-speech clear enough?

'There is no unless Lucas, you know that. It wouldn't be fair to you, Rachel or me.'

An awkward silence followed because he didn't seem to get it and I nearly started the whole you-deserve-someone-who-loves-you-speech when he nodded and left without saying another word. When the door fell shut I let out a sigh and let myself fall on my couch. Eventhough breaking up with Lucas was the right thing to do I still felt bad for doing it this way and than there was still House. Should or shouldn't I go over to his appartment and check up on him? Would he allow me in? Even if he did what was I going to say? 'Oh you know Lucas right? Ah well I've dumped him because I just realised he wasn't you and I've been in love with you ever since Michigan?' Ha no that wouldnt work. But what if he did something dangerous? Like OD? I could never forgive myself if something happened to him. Fine my decision was made! I was gonna go over to his appartment and tell him how I felt, but first a glass of wine. I need something to make me relax because telling Gregory House you love him and having a chance of him being a total jerk about it, is quite stressful. Silenty being happy for having Rachel staying over at Marina's I walked over to the kitchen getting ready to uncork a bottle of wine when my phone rang. Gods, does it ever stop? Before answering the call I cast a glance at the caller ID and see that it's Forman.

_Why would he be calling me? _I think. Images of House collapsed flash through my head. 'Yes Forman?' I say. 'Cuddy, it's House.' _Oh no. _After hearing those words I suck in a breath and let myself drop in the nearest chair. _Please not now. Please House, please be OK. _

'Cuddy? Cuddy? Are you still there?'

'Yes yes Foreman I'm still here. What... What's wrong with House?' I ask prepared for the worst.

'Physically I'd say nothing to severe. _Oh thank god _I thought while letting out a breath I didn't know I was holding in.

'Mentally not so good. He lost his patient and he took it personally, saying that he did his best and she still died and that it was all his fault. I tried to talk to him but he just yelled at me and stormed off. I just don't think he should be alone right now and you're the only one who seems to get through him.', he finishes sounding a bit unsure about the last part.

'Yes you're probably right. Thanks for calling Foreman I'll go and check up on him.' I say before hanging up.

_He lost the patient and his blaming himself._ I think while collecting my car keys and walking towards to frontdoor. _Gods I just hope he didn't do anything stupid and that I'm not too late. I should have gone to him straight after Lucas left. _

I get into my car and the drive over to House feels like I'm on autopilot. I can't get the image of arriving at his appartment and finding him collapsed on floor out of my mind. _Come on Lisa snap out of it. He'll be fine and if not you'll make him better. Yes you can do that. _

Next thing I know I'm standing in front of his door. _Ok Lisa stay calm and take deep breaths. You're gonna open the door, walk into the appartment and find House still alive._

I collect myself open the door and enter the appartment. When I close the door I hear noise coming from the bathroom. I walk towards it and when I see there breaks my heart. House is sitting there looking so vulnerable and looking at a bottle of vicodin. Oh I just want to close the distance between us and hug him but that's not the best way to handle this so I clear my throat to make him notices me. When I says 'You gonna leap across the room and grab them out of my hand?' I want to cry because I can cleary see the pain in his eyes.

'No', I say, 'It's your choice if want to go back on drugs.'

'Okay', he says, 'Just so you know, I'm finding it hard to see the downside.' I sigh _of course he does_

'You need to re-bandage your shoulder.'

'Is that why you're here? Foreman sent you?'

'No!' I answer. Yes he called but I was planning of coming over so I leave that piece of information out.

'You here to yell at me again?' 'No' ''Well I'm running out of ideas'

OK here it goes. 'Lucas...' I start when he interrupts me.

'Oh great. You're gonna tell me that you already got married and are having his baby?', he says bitterly.

'I ended it.' When I look up and see his face I can't believe it. After more than 20 years I managed it. I made the great Gregory House at loss for words. The look of amazement on his face is so un-House that if this wasn't so serious I would start laughing immediately. 'What?' is all he can manage to say.

'I'm stuck House. I keep wanting to move forward. I keep wanting to move on and I can't. I mean, my new house, with my new fiancé and all I can think about is you. I just need to know if you and I can work.'

'You think I can fix myself?' _I hope you can House _'I don't know', I say.

'Cause I'm the most screwed up person in the world.' he admits.

'I know' _but don't you see I love you anyway. _'I love you. I wish I didn't but I cant' help it.' There I said it. Funny I thought it would be difficult to admit it because I've been denying it to myself all these years but seeing him so broken, thinking that he doesn't deserve love makes me want to confess my love for him over and over and over.

When he reaches out his hand I grasb it and when he finally, _finally _kisses me I feel complete.

FIN


End file.
